he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
