Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
