i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
