Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
