thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
