I seem to have left my pride at pride
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
