kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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