I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Mom said you looked used
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
