you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
