this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
