I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
