Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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