Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
