My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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