Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
