You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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