how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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