sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
