That's intense
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
