i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
