Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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