So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
