i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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