I met the friendliest cop last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
