How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
