Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
