my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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