So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize