call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
