man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
