I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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