They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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