No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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