i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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