He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
