i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
