those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
