just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize