Im at strip club and am horny
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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