we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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