he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
