i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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