My room smells like vodka and shame
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
