I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
