im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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