3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
