Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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