i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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