Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
