Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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