I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
