Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
