i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
