and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
