And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
