i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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