you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
