Where did you get a picture of my penis
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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