Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
