Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
