fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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