Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
