you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
