so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
