need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
