Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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