some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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