I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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