It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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